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Dear Mama

You loved hip hop - and stole one of Derek's Tupac shirts so "Dear Mama" just seemed perfect. Even though the song isn't our story it so makes me think of writing you notes and listening to music with you.

October 28th

Dear Mommo,

I've written about 300 letters to you since you've gone to heaven but this one I might actually publish on my blog. You were always so excited for my posts and would either leave a comment, email me OR call me to give your feedback. My biggest fan! 💜

I took today off to celebrate you because you would have been 69 (still not clear on the rules of aging once someone dies - do you stay 68 forever?) - I had big plans for a pedicure, watching your favorite movies and baking some of your favorite things…. But instead I just spent the morning crying and wishing I could talk to you. I loved to talk to you - it's definitely what I miss most. You were the person I shared everything with and sometimes the only person I wanted to share anything with because you got just me in a way no one else does. How lucky I was to have my mom as my best friend!

I also played a terrible game of “could I have done things better?” in which, spoiler alert - there are no winners. I know you would yell at me and tell me to stop. “Sally, you don't always get what you want and I didn't want to leave you but I didn't have a choice. You are a wonderful person, the best daughter and I'm proud of you - stop beating yourself up!” - something along those lines. You hated when I tortured myself over fake narratives or alternative outcomes.

I vowed to honor you every day in the way I live and I think I do my best to uphold that usually but today I did a few special things just because you would do them -

  • Sent cards and a few cute little gifts to family friends we haven't seen lately

  • Bought your favorite birthday cake (Italian rum cake with whipped cream frosting from LaCascia’s!) which we’ll enjoy later

  • Donated to two of your favorite charities

  • Got gorgeous flowers from Whole Bunch to spruce up the house

  • Spent time reminiscing with Derek and dad about all your wonderful, silly and sassy moments!

Love you so much today and always. Happy birthday in heaven!


Samantha Leigh 💜

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